Episode IV: What a Wonderful Scene You've Discovered!

Falling twenty feet

into a pile of junk and debris

has to hurt a little.

___________________

Thinking with his blaster,

Han nearly kills off the Rebellion

in one daft stroke.

___________________

The dianoga--

A stowaway, or the Empire's answer

to eco-friendly waste disposal?

___________________

Even a Wookiee

can't knock down walls that are

magnetically sealed.

___________________

"There's something alive in here!"

Luke's imagination comes alive, a slimy

arm, and then--SPLASH!

___________________

Bubbles in the murk:

Luke in the dianoga's grasp, and then

WHOOSH! He's vanished.

___________________

What does a princess do

When the walls close in around her?

Try not to soil her gown.

___________________

Confounded by his luck,

Luke suddenly recalls that

He's still connected.

___________________

011001010100100101

110000010010101010010

1001010101.*

(Oh Threepio!

I'd have to remind you to breathe

If you were human!)

*Translated from Binary

__________________

Hearing the screams and cries,

Threepio envisions his future as

Tarkin's interpreter.

Episode IV: The Great Wookiee Caper

A few Death Star folks

think it's odd that two troopers

can guard a Wookiee.

_______________________

Mid-level officers

mill around efficiently--

Whoa! A tall hairy mountain!

_______________________

The detention block guards

sneer at the absurd idea of a Wookiee

in their nice, clean cells.

_______________________

Look out! He's loose!!

The smoke of sizzling circuits masks

death and mayhem.

_______________________

Han doesn't really know

his operating number, and besides,

talk is cheap.

_______________________

Though Lucas insisted

that Leia's breasts be taped down,

sheer fabric can't hide all.

_______________________

Friends who have just met

sometimes carry on as if they've known

each other forever.

_______________________

Han's sarcasm can't hide

the glint in his eye for the girl

they've just sprung.

_______________________

Sometimes the quickest way

to escape from a bad situation

is to jump into garbage.

Episode IV: The Belly of the Whale

Inside the guard house

Artoo can interpret the entire

Imperial network.

------------------

Obi-Wan sees his

destiny clearly: a force of one,

then one with the Force.

------------------

Han thinks Luke could

do better if he stopped collecting

old fossils.

------------------

The entire future

of the Rebel Alliance , stuck in the belly

of a metal whale.

------------------

Luke's plan: two guys,

a wookiee, and a pair of

undersized binders.

------------------

Not entirely certain

of his master's plan, Threepio

locks the door hastily.

------------------

Two brilliant lies

by Threepio prove that the clone

genepool is slipping.

Back by (Un)popular Demand!

Hello SW fans! After a loooong hiatus, I've decided to resume writing my quirky brand of intergalactic haiku. Stay tuned in the next few days for the latest additions, and as always, may the Force be with you!

Episode IV: Docking Bay Interlude

How in the world
can those Death Star engineers
survive in no atmosphere?

*************************

The technical chatter
between the Death Star controllers
makes me so happy.

*************************

Stormtroopers appear
from the depths of a metal planet
on a huge elevator.

************************

Fully satisfied that
the crew jettisoned during flight, the
deck officer seems pleased.

************************

Vader's unease grows--
he senses a tremor in the Force
not felt since Mustafar.

************************

On the Falcon, the
floor opens up to reveal the
head of a Wookiee.

************************

Han ponders the irony
of using smuggling compartments
to smuggle himself.

************************

Obi-Wan reminds Solo
that, in the realm of the fool,
it takes two to tango.

************************

A scanning crew hauls
its equipment aboard, a blue box
weighing hundreds of pounds.

***********************

The distinctive sound
of a blaster lets us know that
TK-421 has bit the dust.

Episode IV: Luck and the Single Pirate

Imperial slugs ditched,
Han announces his greatness
with a smug grin.

---------------------------------

Luke, his head encased
in a blast-shielded helmet,
can't see the remote.

--------------------------------

But Obi-Wan reminds
him that seeing isn't believing, and to
stretch out with his feelings.

-------------------------------

Han, duly unimpressed,
glances to where a wookiee and
a droid play dejarik.

-------------------------------

On a round table, tiny
claymation holograms try to beat the
crap out of each other.

------------------------------

Lulled into complacency
by Ben's force training, Luke is zapped
by a floating ball.

-----------------------------

Han's mockery of hokey
religions and ancient weapons stings
Obi-Wan's masked pride.

-----------------------------

Luke's first step into
a larger world is interrupted
by an asteroid collision.

-----------------------------

Alderaan destroyed-- Ben
senses the sudden quietness after
a million screams subside.

----------------------------

Suddenly, from 10 o'clock,
A TIE fighter appears, seemingly
unaware of the Falcon.

---------------------------

Obi-Wan, always kind,
suggests letting it go, but Solo
has other ideas.

--------------------------

"He's heading for that small moon!"
That's no moon, Ben thinks...Governor
Tarkin's been busy.

---------------------------

The Falcon shudders,
locked in a dance of death with
a tractor beam.

---------------------------

Obi-Wan searches his mind
for all the alternatives to fighting
that he can recall.

Episode IV: Ashes to Ashes, Alderaan to Dust

Maybe the reason that
Tarkin is so cranky is because his
uniform's too tight.

---------------------------------

Some fathers criticize
their daughters' dates--Vader takes
things a step further.

---------------------------------

Facing Tarkin, Leia's
English accent holds, but disappears
soon afterward.

---------------------------------

Three figures locked in deadly
peril--one in white, one in black,
and one in grey.

--------------------------------

Leia's far too trusting,
but what can a senator do against
a governor and a Sith?

--------------------------------

Dantooine is too remote--
Tarkin would rather be cruel
than effective.

-------------------------------

Death Star engineers
in crab-like helmets commence
primary ignition.

------------------------------

Physicists say that
the Death Star laser wouldn't work--
I say they miss the point.

-----------------------------

Eight crystal beams
radiate from the hypermatter core--
Alderaan disappears.